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The Bullpen Gospels: A Non-Prospect's Pursuit of the Major Leagues and the Meaning of Life, by Dirk Hayhurst
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From the Author
Best Baseball Autobiography Since Bouton? Dirk Hayhurst's description of himself for the author's ID in his upcoming book The Bullpen Gospels reads in part, "Dirk is a former member of the San Diego Padres, and after this book gets printed, a former member of the Toronto Blue Jays." I'm not sure he's correct. In fact, I'm not sure that in these times when so many fans feel like they're constantly having the wool pulled over their eyes by athletes ill-equipped for the attempt, if Hayhurst's constant honesty, his remarkable candor, his drumbeat of unadorned confessed self-doubt, and his seamless writing, won't resonate through the sport like the first true wonderful day of spring when the game and the weather finally reassure you that winter has been beaten back, at least for a season. In fact, I'm not sure that he hasn't written the best baseball autobiography since Jim Bouton's Ball Four. For Hayhurst, who bombed as a starter for the Padres in 2008 and then showed promise out of the Jays' bullpen the season past, has written what Bouton wrote, and what a decade before Bouton, what Jim Brosnan wrote - a book that is seemingly about baseball but which, as you read further and further into it, is obviously much bigger than that. These are books about life: struggle, confusion, purpose, purposelessness, and the startling realization that achievement and failure are nearly-identical twins, one which gnaws and deadens, the other which just as often produces not elation but a tinny, empty sound. Brosnan's achievement, in The Long Season and Pennant Race, was to introduce to a world which previously had no information of any kind on the subject, the concept of athlete as human being. What did he have to do when demoted, or traded? What happened when management changed? Was there a Mrs. Athlete, and could they share a martini now and again? (answer: You bet). Bouton's breakthrough was to show the concept of athlete as flawed human being. Too many martinis, some of them shared with women other than Mrs. Athlete. Athletes who might not have been geniuses on the field or off, but who seemed invariably managed and coached by men even less intelligent. The struggle to self-start as one's team sank from optimism, to contention, to inconsistency, to irrelevance, to embarrassment. And yet, were they enjoying themselves, did their lives change for the better, was being an athlete fun? (answer: You bet). And now here is Hayhurst, who may single-handedly steer baseball away from the two decades-long vise grip of Sport-As-Skill-Development. Since my own childhood, we have ever-increasingly devalued every major leaguer but the superstar. Late in the last century we began to devalue every minor leaguer but the top draft choice. If you don't make it into somebody's Top Prospects list, you might as well not exist. Dirk Hayhurst is writing of his days, his months, his years, as far away from the Top Prospects lists as imaginable. He is, in The Bullpen Gospels, often the last man on an A-ball pitching staff, and trying to answer a series of successively worsening questions cascading from the simplest of them: Why? This, of course, is why the book transcends the game. It's not just Dirk Hayhurst's existential doubt about whether he'll reach the majors or why he's still trying or if he shouldn't be helping the homeless instead of worrying about getting the last out of a seven-run inning. He is experiencing the crisis of reality through which we all pass, often daily: when our dreams about life crash head first into its realities, what the hell are we supposed to do then? Thus The Bullpen Gospels is a baseball book the way "Is That All There Is?" is a Leiber-Stoller pop song by Peggy Lee from 1969. It is the primordial battle of hope and faith and inspiration versus disillusionment and rust and inertia. Sounds pretty grim, doesn't it? But of course therein lies the delightful twist: like Brosnan and Bouton before him, Hayhurst repeatedly rediscovers the absurd hilarity of it all, and the book is consistently laugh-out-loud funny. And like all great artists, he pulls back curtains we never thought to investigate: from how assiduously minor leaguers debate which "Come-out songs" they will choose or which numbers they will wear, to the pecking order of seat locations on the ever-infamous bush league bus trip. My favorite is probably the mechanics of something the average reader will have never heard of before, let alone have contemplated. It's "the host family" - the living arrangements by which the non-first-rounders survive their seasons in the minors. Hayhurst hilariously defines such temporary homes as ranging from Wackford Squeers' Dotheboys Hall, to the visitations from In Cold Blood. It doesn't hurt that Hayhurst is a fluid and gifted writer, whose prose can take off like a jet and compel you to read for half an hour more than you have. He populates the pages of The Bullpen Gospels with teammates, some identified, some amalgamated, some under aliases - and if the book takes off, ripping the Hayhurstian masks off the more colorful ones may become a low-key hobby after the book is published on March 30th. The reaction will be fascinating to see. In 1970, my father endured my clamoring and bought Ball Four and read it himself before handing it to me: "I know you know all these words. Just don't use them around the house. Read this carefully, there's a lot of truth in here." But ever since, we fans have been bombarded for decades by altered versions of truth, all of them writ large and desperately trying to impress us with their essential-ness. Baseball books have tended to focus only on the big, and to try to make it bigger still. We've gone from the unlikely accuracy of Jose Canseco's slimy indictment of the steroid era, through the analyze-all-the-damn-fun-out-of-the-game-why-don't-you tone of Moneyball and its imitators, through what may in retrospect be seen as a Hayhurst-precursor in Matt McCarthy's fraudulent Odd Man Out, through dozens of historical works insisting everything that has ever happened in baseball has re-shaped the nation - Jackie Robinson (yes), the 1951 N.L. pennant race (very possibly), the 1912 World Series (no way). Here, instead, will be a modest book by a modest relief pitcher who has appeared in the modest total of 25 major league games presenting what the modest author thinks (incorrectly) is only modest truth. He has yet to get his own major league baseball card and as I write this there are exactly two of his souvenirs available on eBay and one of them is a photo for $6.99 ("Or Best Offer"). His preface warns you if you seek scandal or steroids, look elsewhere, and the only bold face name in the whole 340 pages, Trevor Hoffman, comes across as a low-key gentleman. And yet there in the prologue Hayhurst offers a key to what he has written and why, self-guidance to which he sticks pretty neatly: "I also believe there is more to the game than just baseball. For all the great things baseball is, there are some things it is absolutely not. And that is what this story is all about." Of course, just as Bouton's exposure of the real flaws of the real men who played baseball in 1969 made them even more appealing than the phony deities into which they'd been transformed, the great things are made somehow greater by how well Hayhurst contextualizes them, how honestly he tells his story, and how vividly he takes us inside his world.-- Keith Olbermann (edited by author)
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From the Inside Flap
Hayhurst, who pitched quite credibly for Toronto last season, was kind enough to send me an advance copy of his book, The Bullpen Gospels, which is due out at the end of March. With stellar reviews from Keith Olbermann, Rob Neyer, Tim Kurkijan, Tom Verducci, and Trevor Hoffman, among others, the book hardly needs my seal of approval to cement its place in baseball's literary canon. But it sure has it.  The Bullpen Gospels is hilarious, touching, unflinching in its honesty, and unapologetic in its basic decency. Major league athletes are expected to be confident to the point of arrogance - in fact, we think of it as essential to their success -- but in Gospels, the author turns a hard, narrow focus on his own self-doubt. The hilarious minor-league antics and touching tales of stepping out of his uniform to act like a real person, I had come to expect from Hayhurst's "Non-Prospect Diary", but I wasn't prepared for the raw honesty regarding offseason life back in Ohio or the nagging self-doubt that regularly accompanied the pitcher everywhere, including the mound.   I was even less prepared for the extent to which I related to that part of the story and how many of the same experiences I had myself had - the messed-up family life, the sometimes crushing self-doubt. And, most of all, the way that those things cause the desperate need to prove oneself by succeeding to the fullest in one's career - how that drive for success leads to ever-greater outward success without ever fixing the problems that caused that desire for success in the first place - because, how can it?   But, in a way, that's the point - strip away the media persona and the trappings of the professional baseball player, and what is a minor-league player? A young man, probably in his early-to-mid 20s, with sporadic but near-crippling self-doubt, equally intermittent feelings of invincibility, a desperate need to prove himself without a full understanding of why, little money, and, playing the percentages, serious father issues.  And here I thought that all Dirk and I had in common was our love for comic books.None of this is to take away from the fact that The Bullpen Gospels is very much a baseball book. The ball scenes are exciting, the moments of team camaraderie genuine and memorable, and the bullpen hijinx hilarious. I have no doubt that the former and current players who have extolled how accuratelyGospels captures the essence of playing baseball for a living are completely right. But I thought the book was much more than that. As Hayhurst himself mentions in his conversation with Trevor Hoffman late in the book, it's not only about what baseball is, but also what it's not.It's difficult to write an autobiographical book in which you are fair about yourself. I speak from experience - although I was a biochemistry major in college, I lacked the scientific inspiration to do my honours thesis in that field, so I fell back on my other major, English, and wrote a book of creative autobiographical non-fiction. I had the stories to tell but not the willingness to make myself look bad, nor the dishonesty to make myself look good, so I ended up writing as little about myself as possible. But full credit to Dirk - The Bullpen Gospels tells the stories that make him look good and doesn't shy away from the ones that make him look bad. I can't believe I spent the 2009 season rooting for a guy who yells at his grandmother to shut up!As a lawyer, I would be remiss if I didn't mention the unbelievably hilarious Kangaroo Court scenes -- some of my favourites in the book - where players bring one another up on "charges" -- ranging from the effects of eating too much Mexican food to talking about oneself in the third person to rank stupidity -- and try them before a jury of their peers.  I can't encourage you enough to pick up a copy of The Bullpen Gospels. You will speed through it and, if you are like me, gain a new appreciation for ballplayers, not for the work that they do, but for the men that they (at least, some of them!) are. You will laugh your tail off on one page and, quite possibly, tear up on the next. Most of all, laughing with the guys on the team, suffering through uncomfortable bus rides and fleabag motels, experiencing the agony of letting a game slip through your fingers, the despair in getting busted down a level, and the joy in victory, you'll feel like you - an ordinary person - are a ballplayer. But you'll also feel like the ballplayer is, for once, an ordinary person.    Blue Bird Banter.comÂ
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Product details
Paperback: 240 pages
Publisher: Citadel; Original edition (April 1, 2010)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 0806531436
ISBN-13: 978-0806531434
Product Dimensions:
5.5 x 0.9 x 8.3 inches
Shipping Weight: 12 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review:
4.4 out of 5 stars
200 customer reviews
Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
#269,602 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
While much of the book concerns sophomoric toilet humor and behavior, I have to admit I still laughed out loud a few times.(Most emphatically about the Jessica Simpson hypothetical.) The kangaroo courts were also a riot-something that exists on many MLB clubs as well.This a is a good read about the unglamorous life of a struggling minor leaguer in single A and Double A until his team wins the Texas League Championship in 2007. This 'chasing the dream" odyssey has some very personal demons as well. Hayhurst had a very difficult home life with his parents and his older brother's alcoholism. It was likely his prime motivator in seeking to morph himself into his a baseball identity. And then he learns a great lesson in life from his baseball life. It's what a baseball uniform can do for others that counts: not just the glory of baseball per se. Whether Hayhurst is sincere in this realization may be open to question, but I choose to accept him as such. Here was a non- drinker, and a virgin in a locker room full of heaping testosterone quests who managed to stay the course until he found a woman he loved. For those who enjoy memoirs of true grit baseball life, this one's for you.
This book is by turns real, insane, funny, and sobering. It's about one mans journey to make it to big league baseball. It's an inside look at the grind that is minor league baseball it's about self discovery and a stick to itness again all odds. It's about over coming obstacles and achieving your goals as much as it is about finding out who you really are and where you're headed. If you like an insiders take on baseball then you'll love this book. I certainly did. More Please.
This was a mostly enjoyable baseball book, with its focus on the life of a minor league bullpen pitcher. But the author spent too much time regaling us with sophomoric tales of sometimes rowdy, sometimes raunchy capers of his teammates in places such as Lake Elsinore, California, and a few Texas League oases. Sometimes the anecdotes were funny and the dialog humorous, but for the most part, they were flat. Apparently baseball players are just like college frat rats when they're not on the field. Probably the reader could spin tales as good or even better from his or her past. I would have liked to have read more inside baseball. I would have like to know more about what it's like to be out on the field and not so much about the locker room or the team bus. There was some of that, but not enough. Hayhurst is a pretty good writer, but I think he was trying to do too much in this book: make it interesting, make it humorous, make it poignant and still make it a good baseball book. It's not a bad baseball book -- it gives one a fair taste for what it's like to be a perpetual minor leaguer -- but it could have been better. As I say, it's a good -- but not great -- baseball book.
It's strange to find a book that's wholesome and raunchy and poignant at the same time, but I guess that's the life of a sensitive, mild guy who has thrown his lot in with big-time athletics. It's a great read for anyone who loves baseball and enjoys descriptions of life on the road among stunted adolescents. There's not much baseball wisdom and no baseball strategy or statistics, but it's full of wonderfully funny descriptions of players, ballparks, and that special feeling of being a competitive athlete (and of the kinds of things that happen that can bring you down off your pedestal, too).The author, Dirk Hayhurst, is part of the Animal House atmosphere that pervades any male college or pro locker room in any sport, but he's a bit uncomfortable with it and a bit aloof. You get the feeling that he does a lot of watching and a lot of quietly returning to his hotel room or apartment, while the guys go out and party. And you get the feeling that the guys think he's okay, but none of them really consider him a good friend. (It's how I've aleays felt when I've been thrown into locker room situations.)First, the raunchy. It's mild by baseball tell-all standards, but there's all sorts of things about players farting in each other's faces, talking about how big their "packages" are, etc. Hayhurst does a good job of showing how humor pervades the clubhouse and brings together guys from different backgrounds and cultures --- and guys who are, ultimately, competing against each other for the attention of the major league general manager.Then, the poignant. Early in the book, after a couple of chapters about the silliness of spring training speeches, Hayhurst gives a glimpse at why he's sticking it out in Class A minors after four years of not doing very well. First, there's black humor about living with his crotchetly grandmother, who makes him sleep on a plastic-covered mattress in a junk-filled room and tells him "Go to hell" whenever he suggests that she actually throw out some junk. The next chapter describes his family, which can only be called hellish: A father who's fallen into depression due to a accident 20 years ago that left him mostly incapacitated; a drunk brother who beat up Hayhurst repeatedly throughout their teen years; and a mom burned out by caring for the two deadbeats. The trio of losers lives on welfare, and Hayhurst visits them as rarely as possible, as all he gets from them is anger and indifference that he has actually tried to make something of himself.Then, the wholesome. Hayhurst is a rules follower, which makes him an anomaly in baseball circles (and in his own family culture). He is a meek guy. He doesn't drink, and he's a virgin late into his 20s. This comes out about midway through the book, as he gives a glimpse into his hope for a pristine life without alcohol-fueled violence and with a lovely, caring wife. As the book chronicles a season in which he had his most significant success in the minors and moves up to AA for a team that wins a championship, he gets into the wholesome, cliched baseball writing that went out of style in about 1960's kids' books. Needless to say, I didn't like the part about "the team came together ... one for all, all for one," etc. But those are likely to be genuine feelings, so you can't argue with it.The book ends on an even more upbeat note. I won't spoil it.
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